


Where Do I Begin

by orphan_account



Category: Penn & Teller RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:42:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21667612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Published: 2015-12-11The first P&T slash fic I ever wrote. Re-posting it along with all my other P&T slash fics - may you enjoy! My eternal love to Penn and Teller for being so kickass!!
Relationships: Penn Jillette/Teller (Magician)
Kudos: 10





	Where Do I Begin

_Teller and Penn._ Teller pondered this as the two of them sat in the coffee shop. _Why does that sound so strange?_ He looked at the man seated across the table from him.

Penn had lost an extraordinary amount of weight. Well, it wasn't like he'd lost it all of a sudden, it had been a process. But looking at him now... seeing Penn looking almost as though he had been deflated, the hollows that had sunken into his face, the pallor creeping over his skin, the thinness showing in his hair...

Teller held back the fear and worry that threatened to overcome him. Penn had told him that there was nothing to worry about, that it was just a diet thing to prevent any health problems. But hearing this did nothing to stop the fear that Teller felt when he saw Penn like this.

Teller let himself sigh, and Penn looked up at him, brow furrowed. Teller dismissed that furrow of Penn's brow with a smile and a redirection of his attention to his cup of coffee.

After a few moments Penn spoke. "Are you gonna tell me what's wrong or are you gonna just sit there and look at me and sigh?"

"Nothing's wrong, Penn, I was just thinking about something."

"What were you thinking about?" Teller looked up into Penn's eyes, saw that familiar keen sparkle in those icy depths and smiled a half-smile.

Teller dredged up some aspect of their show that he wanted to work on and Penn gladly seized on the subject, but Teller's mind continued to turn over the subject of Penn himself.

They had never really given much thought to whether they should be "Penn and Teller" or "Teller and Penn," it seemed like they were Penn and Teller before they even thought to call themselves that. Using their real names because cutting through bullshit was a part of their act. And Penn's name... Penn's name just felt so right when placed before his, Teller thought. It felt so right that eventually he didn't even feel right using his first name at all, and he dropped Ray and became Teller for all eternity. Penn's partner for all eternity.

Penn's other half. At this thought Teller couldn't help smiling a bit wistfully. But he suppressed the tears that threatened to well up in his eyes and the sobs that threatened to rise up out of his throat.

When it was time to go, Teller pulled Penn into a hug that lasted a good few moments longer than it should have, but surprisingly, Penn was just as responsible for that as Teller was.

Teller extracted himself from those welcoming arms with difficulty. He looked up into Penn's eyes above his... Penn looked down into his... and grinned, clapping Teller on the back gently before leaving him in the coffee shop.

Teller walked down the empty Vegas street, savoring the morning sun. There weren't many other times of the day when you could comfortably walk down the street here in the desert.

He reached his car, got in and shut the door, but didn't start the car.

Suddenly, the tears that had wanted out earlier burst forth, and a choked cry clawed its way up out of his throat. He clasped his hands over his face, trying to contain his emotion, but all he could do was weep into his hands.

_What's wrong with me, he asked... what's wrong with me... where do I begin?_

~

It had taken 21 years for Teller to experience sex.

It hadn't been worth the wait.

In fact, it had been enough to resign him to celibacy for years afterwards. Which was perfectly fine with him. He didn't particularly want sex... it was mostly just society's urging that compelled him towards sex. People are _supposed_ to want sex! He should never have listened to that shit.

The girl was lovely as could be. Teller felt awful for disappointing her so completely. But no matter how hard he tried, normality was just not in the cards for him (he fucking hated that expression but somehow always found it lurking at the back of his mind, laughing wickedly and refusing to leave him in peace).

Magic was all that he wanted out of life. When he was young anyway. To amaze people the way that magicians had always amazed him.

He had been a happily celibate 25-year-old when he first met Penn. And nothing about Penn had made him want to give up his celibacy; nothing about Penn had really impressed him at all initially. Penn seemed much like the kids who used to pick on Teller in his youth, he was loud, arrogant, an unapologetic 18-year-old brat sneering down at everyone. He towered over everyone, overpowered them, especially the small and withdrawn Teller.

And yet, there _was_ something about Penn... he was proud carnie trash, which Teller liked. He was a beautiful juggler. And he was beautiful as well, Teller had to admit it... his eyes shot through you like bullets and his tall frame was handsomely built.

But none of that would have really mattered to Teller in the end. Penn would have been just another carnie, of only mild interest to Teller. There was something much more powerful that drew Teller to Penn...

Penn made it somewhat difficult to see his inner workings through his overpowering, off-putting demeanor, and initially Teller had been uninterested in seeing what lay beneath. He had appreciated Penn's enthusiasm for sideshows and magic, but it was when he began to delve beneath the sideshow exterior that he began to realize how truly important Penn could be to him.

Penn, for his part, didn't seem to be incredibly interested in working with Teller, it was merely something he did out of boredom. Lack of anything better to do. Teller had no delusions about that, and so that was how he too approached their relationship. At first.

Penn began to express more and more interest in performing magic, and naturally he decided to draw on Teller's expertise in magic, the hobby that had eventually consumed Teller's life. Teller was more than happy to teach him...

And perhaps that was where it had begun.

Teller had never been looked up to in his life before that. Had always been ridiculed and pushed down. But here... here was this young, beautiful, powerful man, looking up to him for wisdom...

Teller became the most devoted of teachers. And Penn became the most devoted of students.

They essentially dropped everything else in their lives. Nothing else was as important as this other man that each now found himself partnered with. The friend that they had been performing with drifted away to find his own passion. Penn and Teller hardly noticed his departure.

And this was when Teller truly began to notice Penn... and appreciate him... and love him.

~

It had taken 40 years for Teller to realize what love was.

Love was _fucking painful_.

It crept in under the cloak of friendliness, enchanted you with its sweet serene visage, convinced you to trust in it, and left you an empty shell of a person, having robbed you of any beauty that your heart contained.

Love was a cruel magician. Named Penn Jillette.

They were now a world-famous magical double act. They had traveled the country together, traveled the world, first slumming it in seedy motels as they drove from gig to gig, later luxuriating in posh hotels and working whenever it pleased them. They'd appeared on television, made movies, sold out shows across the land.

Teller had taught Penn well. Penn combined his inherent skill as a carnival barker and his newfound skill as a magician into a wickedly funny performance, and Teller allowed him to be the voice of them both. Penn's unignorable presence drew the crowds in and Teller's magic held them transfixed.

Teller had been taken in as well.

It hadn't taken him too long after they began their partnership to realize he was attracted to Penn. And how frightening that had been, in every way!

He'd felt attracted to other men before Penn, but never had it been anything like this. They were living together, spending every waking moment with each other, sleeping together...

He'd watch Penn strip naked, feel Penn's massive and muscled body in the bed beside him, find that he had rolled in the night to press up against Teller's comparatively tiny form, and god, the feelings that had produced in Teller.

But he didn't get any sense that those feelings were mutual, so he tried to distance himself as much as he could from Penn, if not physically then mentally. He found other men to sleep with, which he had to kick Penn out of their room in order to do. Penn would just accept this with a shrug and a laugh.

But some nights... when Penn was pressed up against Teller in bed... Teller would feel Penn's arm slip possessively around him and feel Penn's arousal against his backside, big and aching hard.

These nights were like heaven and hell combined.

If he ever tried to do anything with Penn on these occasions (and god knows he tried), Penn would push him away, threaten to beat the shit out of him. Teller backed away. Penn was satisfied.

Life went on. They got separate rooms. They built a wall behind which they could hide their emotions.

However, the years passing began to chip away at that wall.

Teller remembered being against all that Penn was, when he had first met him. Now he found that he loved all that Penn was and hated everybody else. Penn was smarter and funnier and braver than anyone he'd ever met, challenging Teller to be smarter and funnier and braver. But not only that... Penn had a wonderful, big, warm, loving heart. And although he liked to act as though he didn't care about Teller, Teller was smart enough to see right through that shit.

If it wasn't for Penn... well obviously there would be no Penn and Teller show... but Penn was truly the reason that Teller had become a professional magician. He would have stayed a high school teacher if not for this man who reinvigorated his love of magic, who made him feel _powerful_ and pushed him to be better, who showed him the beauty that life had to offer.

Who showed him beauty and then ripped it away from him, time and time again...

~

A few days had passed now since the coffee shop.

Teller sat at home with a cup of tea, quietly reading while the lights of the Vegas Strip glittered through the night outside of his window.

The doorbell rang and Teller frowned.

He opened the door to find Penn standing there and frowned more deeply. "What are you doing here?"

Penn smiled crookedly. "Bored."

Teller laughed. "Whatever... come on in," he said, ushering Penn in from the cold desert night.

Penn sat on one of the sofas in Teller's front room and Teller looked down at him. "Want anything to drink? Anything to eat?"

"Kinda feel like eating something... like something sweet, if you got anything?"

"I do indeed!" replied Teller with a smile, going into the kitchen, fetching some cookies he had made along with a glass of milk and bringing them out to set on the coffee table in front of Penn. Penn laughed loudly when he saw this.

"Milk and cookies, Teller? Seriously? I'm not a kid anymore."

Teller smirked at this. "Mmmm, you sure about that?"

Penn snorted a laugh but Teller could feel its insincerity. Penn looked distressedly down at the plate of cookies, took one and bit off a tiny piece, chewing slowly.

Teller sat down beside Penn, watching him eat so carefully. "Are you feeling all right, Penn?"

Penn sighed. "You keep asking me that..."

"I wouldn't ask you if I didn't care about you."

At that, Penn's face pinched in a pained expression. He lifted one hand to cover his eyes. "You shouldn't care about me."

"What the fuck kind of thing is that to say, of _course_ I'm going to care about you, Penn." After a moment's deliberation, and a furious protest from Teller's racing heart, Teller raised his hand to the side of Penn's face, stroking the hair at Penn's temple with the backs of his fingers. Penn flinched away.

"Dammit, Teller," he muttered. "Why do you..." He took off his glasses, clamped his hand tightly over his eyes and he turned away from Teller on the sofa.

After a moment Teller noticed that he was shaking, and when he carefully slid a hand onto Penn's shoulder, he heard Penn hold back a sob.

"Look at me," Penn whispered hoarsely, "I'm a pathetic old piece of shit, what could you possibly still..." He trailed off, voice shaking violently.

Tears surged into Teller's eyes. He got up and sat on Penn's other side so that he could see Penn's face, although it was still half-hidden by Penn's hand. He pulled the hand down, lacing his fingers through Penn's, looked up into the intensity of Penn's eyes. "You know I'm older than you, don't you?" he asked with a smile and Penn laughed weakly, shaking his head. He looked down at their hands laced together.

"You're still... I mean, you're not a pathetic piece of shit though," protested Penn softly. He stroked his thumb over Teller's hand gently... Teller's hand was small and delicate in his. "You're.... you're still so beautiful," whispered Penn, face flushing bright red.

Teller's heart stopped beating. He stared up into Penn's eyes, feeling heat rising in his own face.

Penn looked steadily back into Teller's eyes, although Teller could feel his hand shaking like mad. Both men's eyes dropped to each other's mouths.

Teller was the first to make a move. His other hand flew up, cupped the back of Penn's head, and he lunged forward to crash his lips into Penn's.

For a long moment they just stayed like that, lips pressed together, eyes closed. All other senses heightened, hearts beating fiercely. Then as one they leaned further into the kiss, Teller climbing onto Penn's lap and Penn's arms sliding around him.

The kiss grew deeper, wetter, until both men were groaning deeply into each other's mouths. Teller rolled his hips down against Penn's, feeling that aching hardness once more after all these years, and his lips broke away from Penn's to let out a desperate moan. Penn let out a primal growl, clutching Teller's ass in his hands and squeezing it.

Teller tipped his head back. Penn's lips found his neck, Penn's tongue and teeth soon to follow them. Teller continued to rock his hips against Penn's, making both of them moan hungrily.

_Dear god... this is going to be over before it starts if we keep going like this..._

Teller stopped the motion of his hips and tipped his head back down, pressing his nose against Penn's. 

"Penn," he whispered, his voice soft as silk. Penn responded by recapturing Teller's lips with his own.

Teller broke away again, grinning devilishly. Penn's eyes were dark as pitch... his full lips flushed red from their kisses... Penn was looking up at him as though Teller was an angel that had appeared before him.

Teller's fingers toyed with the collar of Penn's shirt before sliding down to nimbly unbutton the top button. Teller's eyes were still fixed on Penn's, transfixed by them. "You beat yourself up so much," he said softly, continuing to unbutton Penn's shirt. "I'll never understand why."

"It's because I'm fucking disgusting," replied Penn, eyes falling away from Teller's.

"So what does that say about me," whispered Teller, leaning forward to brush his lips against Penn's, "if I want to fuck you?"

"That you're extremely sexually confused."

"You should give me more credit than that," said Teller, pushing Penn's shirt open and grinning. Penn pulled it closed again.

"Why do you wanna see that, it's just loose skin... not that it looked any better when it wasn't loose," Penn muttered.

Teller pushed the shirt back open. "Cut that shit out, Penn, I'm warning you," he said in a low voice, nipping at Penn's lower lip before kissing him again. Penn moaned softly as Teller's hands danced down his naked torso.

Teller looked down at Penn's body. Beneath his fingers he could feel the formidable muscles that Penn possessed, and the feeling filled him with lust. His fingers brushed the waistband of Penn's jeans, and he gave Penn his most seductive smirk. The expression on Penn's face was gloriously hungry.

"I've wanted this for fucking _decades_," purred Teller. He leaned forward, nuzzling Penn's nose with his, pulling back teasingly when Penn tried to kiss him. He cocked his head to one side, studying Penn's face, smiling. "Have you wanted it for that long too?"

Penn's eyes burned with lust. They traveled over every bit of Teller, full of longing. "I've wanted this... god, since I first met you. Since I saw you do magic." Penn smiled wickedly, fire flashing in his eyes. "I just didn't know how to... I just didn't know what to do about it." Here the fire dimmed slightly, and Teller detected sadness in Penn's voice. He slid his hand up under Penn's chin and held it up, looking deeply into Penn's eyes.

"It's okay, Penn," Teller whispered.

"No, it's not," Penn insisted, eyes full of pain and sadness. "I fucking... I _love you_, Teller." Hearing this from Penn's mouth knocked the breath out of Teller's lungs. "It's not right to hurt someone that you love," said Penn, tears glistening at the corners of his eyes. "All these years... pushing you away... I was such a fucking idiot, and now I'm old and decrepit and forcing myself on you and-"

"Again," Teller cut him off angrily, "_I am older than you, Penn_. And you're not forcing me here." To prove this point he undulated his hips once more against Penn's, letting Penn feel how hard he was as well. Penn's hips lifted up to meet his and Penn's eyes closed as a soft whine climbed out of his throat.

Teller leaned in towards that throat, licking at it, and Penn's head fell back onto the sofa. Teller sank his teeth into the side of Penn's neck, making Penn whimper, and Teller's hands returned to the front of Penn's jeans. Slowly he unbuttoned them, shivering with desire, feeling Penn's heartbeat speeding under his lips.

Teller's hand slipped into the front of Penn's jeans and cupped Penn's impressive erection through his underwear. Teller lifted his face back up to Penn's, looking into his eyes, both of them on fire with need.

Teller began to stroke Penn's cock through the thin fabric of his underwear, letting his lips melt against Penn's, and as Penn started to groan beautifully into his mouth, Teller thought of all those nights they'd shared a bed and of how fucking _desperately_ he had wanted to do what he was doing right then on that sofa.

He slipped off his own shirt and opened his own jeans, shed his jeans and underwear, straddled Penn naked. Although Penn was still very much aroused, Teller could feel apprehension in him now with Teller naked on top of him.

"Have you ever..." Teller began, asking the rest of the question with his eyes. Penn's eyes told him no.

"It's not any different from sex with a woman," said Teller with a smile. "Well, the anatomy is different, but the mechanics are... pretty much the same." He eased Penn's cock out of his underwear and jeans... Teller had never seen anything more glorious. He grinned lecherously at Penn. Penn gazed back at him, nervous but wanting.

Teller leaned in and kissed him softly, tenderly, Penn responding in kind. As they kissed, Teller let his fingers drift up along Penn's length and back down, just as softly and tenderly, and Penn sighed into Teller's mouth. Grinning, Teller slid off Penn's lap and down to the floor in front of Penn.

Penn stared down at him, face full of love and desire. Grinning even wider, Teller leaned forward, closed his eyes and licked delicately at the tip of Penn's cock. He sighed softly, loving Penn's taste. Penn's fingers meanwhile snaked their way into Teller's hair as he groaned low in his throat.

"I think I have an idea... for a new act for our show," said Teller, pausing to draw his tongue up the side of Penn's throbbing cock. "You take out your cock... I make it disappear." With that he drew Penn into his mouth and deep into his throat. Penn's fingers clenched into fists and Teller's lips curled into a smile around the base of Penn's cock. He closed his eyes again and began to move his head up and down, moaning when he felt Penn thrusting upwards.

Then Penn pushed him away, gently but firmly. Teller looked up at him in confusion.

"Come here," growled Penn, and smiling, Teller obeyed, climbing back on top of Penn.

"I like the idea... but I think I have a better one," said Penn, drawing Teller's naked body closer to him, running his fingers down Teller's spine and over his ass again. Teller grinned like a madman, shifting sensually against Penn's body.

Holding onto Teller tightly, Penn laid them both down on the sofa, his hips between Teller's thighs. Teller felt his heart thundering in his chest. He gazed up at Penn, hardly able to believe that this was finally happening... Penn gazed down at him with equal wonder.

Penn leaned down and kissed him passionately. Teller could feel Penn throbbing against him... he hooked one leg around Penn's waist and with it drew Penn even closer. Penn groaned deep into his mouth, thrusting against Teller and Teller groaned right back.

"What do I..." Penn began, his voice pure lust.

"Give me your hand," said Teller. He brought Penn's hand up to his mouth and sucked in two of Penn's fingers. The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk and he bit down. Penn hissed and snatched his hand back, then laughed.

"You sneaky little shit," he said with an affectionate smile. Teller's fingers caressed the side of his face.

"Put your fingers inside me," said Teller softly. "First one, then both... and push them apart."

Penn grinned. "Is this a new magic trick?"

Teller laughed. "You'll see just how magical," he said, eyes glittering with mischief. He pulled Penn's hand down to his ass, and Penn slowly slid one finger into him.

Teller's eyes slid shut and he moaned quietly. Then Penn's finger began to thrust in and out of him and his head fell back with a louder moan. "Never a better student in the fucking world," he said with a sultry laugh and Penn laughed as well.

His other finger began to press inside of Teller, meeting a bit more resistance but still sliding in easily. Penn looked down into Teller's eyes. "Have you... done this a lot? Lately I mean, I know you did this a lot when we were younger because I was waiting outside the room while you were doing it," said Penn with a smile.

Teller shook his head, smiling back. "Haven't been with anyone for a _really_ long time. Just... me and my own devices." They grinned at each other and Penn pressed his nose to Teller's.

"God... how I wanted to fuck you," he murmured at Teller's mouth, making Teller sigh at his. "All those nights we were in bed together... I was so fucking scared of it though." His fingers scissored apart inside Teller and Teller groaned.

Penn kissed him. "I'm so sorry for waiting this long," he whispered.

"I'm not," Teller whispered back. "All these years... I've only loved you more and more, and this means more right now than it ever would have back then." He pulled Penn down into another soft kiss.

Penn pulled his fingers out and placed the slick tip of his cock at Teller's entrance. Teller's heart beat faster than it ever had in his life, and through the air between them he could almost feel Penn's heart racing as well...

Penn closed his eyes, hesitating. Teller leaned up and kissed him encouragingly, looked up at him questioningly. Penn smiled down at him.

"Just savoring this moment... waited long enough for it," he murmured, and finally, he began to push inside.

Teller gripped the sofa with one hand and Penn's arm with the other, making a sound that was in between a gasp and a groan. Penn's cock felt enormous inside of him... it stretched him further than he'd ever been in his life. He stared up into Penn's eyes, breathless at the beauty of Penn's expression, and Penn stared back down at him, equally breathless.

Halfway inside, Penn pressed a kiss to Teller's lips and began to thrust gently in and out. They moaned into each other's mouths. Teller's leg slid around Penn's waist again, pulling him deeper and deeper inside of Teller with every thrust.

Teller's head fell back again as Penn's thrusts began to pick up speed, his eyes shut, mouth hanging open and moans pouring out of him. Penn's face was buried in his neck and Penn was gasping with each powerful thrust. Teller's fingers slid into Penn's sweat-dampened hair... he wondered if this was just a beautiful, powerfully erotic dream, and he strengthened his grip on Penn... if this was a dream, he never wanted to part from it.

But Penn really was making love to him and Teller could feel Penn's orgasm and his own approaching. Penn slid in and out of him faster, harder, deeper, his breaths becoming shorter and shorter.

Finally, he gave one more forceful thrust of his hips, breathed Teller's name, and Teller felt it... Penn came inside of him, filling him with warmth, and with a low moan Teller felt his own orgasm erupt out of him, shooting onto their chests.

Teller cradled Penn's body with his, smiling dreamily against Penn's ear. His heart was still racing and he could feel Penn's heart still beating frantically as well.

After several seconds, Penn lifted his head up to look down at Teller again. His hair was sticking up wildly and Teller raked his fingers through it. Penn's normally cold bright eyes were warm and full of contentment; he smiled down at Teller.

"Look... we've made love where there never was love," he whispered, and they kissed.

And this was where they truly began.


End file.
